All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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