This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
