I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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