those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
