she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Randomize
