very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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