She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
