Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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