I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.