I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im so drunk with asians
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.