I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis