Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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