some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
