I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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