cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am naked and annoyed.
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