I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
