You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
