I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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