im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
