In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
