this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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