Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize