i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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