you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
