my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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