He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
