The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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