He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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