He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
