I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
