They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
