I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
