Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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