i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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