Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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