I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
