this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
