i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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