Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
