i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
