I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
