I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
