U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
