jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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