Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
