i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
