i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
