You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize