it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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