After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
