We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
did you just send me my own nude
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
