bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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