i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
