good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
