You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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