worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
