Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
