She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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