It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.