There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle