ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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