last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
