I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
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