Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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