didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on