come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit