I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
