She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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