so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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