Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize