I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
