she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
